Most of us have met people who are prisoners in a theological prison. Calvinists believe that God chose those who would be in His kingdom before they were born. If you were chosen, you are good to go. If you weren’t, you will spend eternity in the lake of fire. Calvinists and Lordship Salvation adherents believe that if you are one of the lucky chosen ones, you will live a godly life. You will do so until the day you die. Since everyone sins, even the chosen ones, there is always the question of whether you are living up to that standard.

Imagine living in that kind of theological prison. You don’t know whether you were chosen. You don’t know whether you are living a sufficiently holy life. You don’t know whether you will continue to do so. You find yourself in a terrifying cell in a cruel jail. Correctly understanding and believing a verse like John 3:16 would free you from that prison, but your theological tradition will not let you believe it.

I recently heard about Steve Lawson, a prime example of how terrible such an existence must be. For over four decades, he was immersed in that prison. He preached and taught all these beliefs and wrote books supporting them. His closest colleagues did the same.

Last year, it was revealed that he didn’t practice what he preached. He had been unfaithful to his wife and had carried on an affair with another woman. For forty years, he had taught that a chosen one could not do that. An adulterer did not meet the standards of holiness required to make it into the kingdom. Imagine the terror he must have experienced. He had no choice. He had to conclude that he was not one of the lucky chosen ones.

Not surprisingly, his respected colleagues turned on him. They said he was a hypocritical fake. His long-time friends publicly stated that he would almost certainly burn in hell forever.

When I heard about this, I wondered what Lawson thought. Was he able to see that those who condemned him were also sinners? Could he have known whether some of his students were addicted to pornography or struggling with other sins such as pride? What did he think of his friends who had also had affairs? Were those who judged him meeting the standards of holiness they were demanding of him? Did he realize that we are all sinners with feet of clay? None of us would like all our inner thoughts and actions to be exposed to public condemnation.

The hypocrisy of his judges might cause someone like Lawson to leave his prison. It would be great if his sin caused him to realize that he could not measure up. He could read John 3:16 and see what it really says: Whoever believes in Jesus for eternal life has eternal life. The believer doesn’t have to fear that God has not chosen him. The believer doesn’t have to look at his many sins and conclude that his life doesn’t measure up to the self-righteous, hypocritical attitude of others. We receive eternal life by God’s grace, through believing in His Son for it. If Lawson had done that, it would have been like giving him the key to his prison cell. He could have been set free.

However, this week, Lawson tweeted that he did not go through that process. He waited about seven months to publicly respond to what happened. He confessed his sin, but, like a good Calvinist, he explained why it took him so long. He said he “needed to search my soul to determine whether my repentance was genuine.”

He is still in his prison cell. In his mind, believing in Christ for eternal life is not enough. He had to determine that his repentance was genuine. Only a chosen one could genuinely repent. But what does that mean? Was he sorry enough? Did he beat himself up enough? Did he tell his wife he was sorry enough? Has he purged the sexual images in his mind enough? Does he want to be with the other woman too much? How do you measure any of that? His colleagues will almost certainly say that his repentance is not “genuine.” He is too old, and it is too late. He has shown his true self as an unchosen one. As long as he sits in that cell, he will wonder the same things.

Grace people should feel for Lawson. His actions were deplorable. I am sure he crushed the ones closest to him and caused them great pain. I have no doubt he deeply regrets what he did.

It is easy to jump on the wagon of condemnation. But I hope we all realize that we’re capable of doing the same thing.

As bad as Lawson’s actions were, they are not the saddest part of his life, and he doesn’t even see what that is. He is a prisoner of a cruel theology. Those he respects say he will go to hell. He thinks they are probably right. I hope the light of God’s grace breaks through the darkness of his cell.