We have all heard the phrase, “Blood is thicker than water.” It means that family comes first. We can relate to that sentiment. Families, in many cases, are extremely important to us. That’s true in healthy situations.
But it can go too far. In 2 Sam 18:3-5, David is fighting for the survival of his rule. His son Absalom has led a rebellion against him and his army. David finds himself in a tough situation, fighting against his own flesh and blood. One can understand how difficult that must have been.
While it is understandable, David does something foolish. He tells the leader of his forces, in the hearing of his own soldiers, to go easy on Absalom. These men are risking their lives for David, and David wants them to be gentle with the man trying to kill them! If I had been one of those soldiers, I would have had a serious attitude issue.
Absalom was killed in battle. It was probably necessary that this happen in order for the rebellion to end. David was grief-stricken over the death of his son. This was natural, but David was forgetting his responsibilities as the shepherd of God’s people, Israel.
The people heard that David was in deep mourning because Absalom had died (2 Sam 19:1-4). The men who had fought and the people who supported David as king were rejoicing. Absalom’s defeat was a glorious day for the nation. Many people had paid a heavy price to accomplish this good thing.
But David’s mourning demoralized them. He should have acted like a leader and kept his mourning private. Second Samuel says that instead of celebrating, the people went home dejected. They acted as if they had lost the battle!
General George Patton is known as one of the greatest leaders of WWII. But in March of 1945, he made a terrible mistake, acting as if blood were thicker than water. He sent a task force of around 300 men, with a number of tanks, to attack a prisoner-of-war camp deep inside Germany. He did so because his son-in-law was a prisoner there. Thirty-two Americans lost their lives in the attack, and the majority of the survivors were taken prisoner. I cannot imagine how demoralized Patton’s men were, knowing he was willing to sacrifice 300 men in order to free his daughter’s husband.
Though David’s and Patton’s actions sprang from fatherly love, they were nonetheless horrible and sinful. (I think Patton should have been put on trial after the war.) While it is natural to believe that blood is thicker than water, that is not always true.
In the same vein, a Christian leader should place allegiance to Christ first. That can be hard to do. He must put the good of the church and God’s flock above what might benefit a family member.
I always feel uncomfortable when I hear of a church’s offering contracts to family members of the pastor, the elders, or the deacons. Is that the wisest use of a church’s financial resources, or is the contract being given to pad the pockets of a relative? I have noticed that, especially with large ministries, the successors to retiring leaders are often family members as well. Are these family members the most qualified for these positions? Are these appointments the best thing for the believers affected by these leadership changes? I think a neutral observer will answer “no” in most of those cases. In all of them, cynicism and discouragement can be repercussions.
While Patton was a great leader, he was also responsible for the deaths of over thirty men because he wanted to bring joy to his daughter. David was a man after God’s own heart. The Lord had placed His people under his care. But in 2 Samuel 18–19, a rebellious son mattered more than what God had charged him to do. If Patton and David could take the concept that “blood is thicker than water” too far, we should not kid ourselves. We can do the same. Following the Lord sometimes calls for hard choices. Those hard choices may sometimes involve putting family relationships on the back burner.
