…submitting to one another in the fear of God (Eph 5:21). 

Several years ago, I heard a sermon on Eph 5:22–33. The speaker was a friend who had been a contemporary at Dallas Seminary back in the day.  

I was somewhat surprised when he started his sermon, not at the beginning of the passage, but one verse earlier. In a sense, he had good reason to start there. However, his interpretation of verse 21 was flawed. 

Ephesians 5:21, “…submitting to one another in the fear of God,” is the end of a long sentence that began in verse 18. Verse 21 is followed by three examples of relationships in which one is to submit to another: wives to husbands (5:22–33), children to parents (6:1–4), and slaves to masters (6:5–9).  

My friend interpreted Eph 5:21 to mean that husbands and wives were to submit to each other. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord,” was understood to be half of the equation. The other half would be, Husbands, submit to your own wives, as to the Lord. The speaker thought that the command, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” (Eph 5:25) essentially meant that husbands should submit to their wives.  

What do you think? I urge you to study the passage carefully, especially if you are married or thinking about being married.  

Did you know that in Eph 5:22–23, Paul said that “the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is of the church” (v 23)? Headship is authority. The head is the person in charge. Hoehner comments, “Submission does not mean inferiority. It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself” (“Ephesians” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary, pp. 640–41). 

The mutual submission view is called Egalitarianism. In that view, husbands and wives are equal in authority, without a head.  

That means that whenever a decision is to be made, each member of the couple has a vote. If the vote is 2-0, they proceed. If the vote is 1-1, then they do not proceed. 

This is obviously impractical. If practiced consistently, it would mean that most of the time neither spouse gets what they want. Everything would be a matter of compromise.  

Most Egalitarians don’t practice this consistently. If they did, neither could change jobs without the approval of the other. Neither could change cars unless the spouse agreed.  

But here is my point. Regardless of whether Egalitarianism works well, it is not Biblical. It is in direct contradiction of Scripture.  

If the husband fails to love his wife as Christ loves the Church, then the man’s headship will be oppressive. But if he loves her as he should, then headship works fine.  

I left the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ when it became clear to me that Sharon was not well-suited for that work. She gave it her best effort for two years. But then I decided we needed to move on.  

Sharon convinced the head of the Bible Department at Multnomah School of the Bible in Portland, OR, that she wanted me to teach there. Little did I know that she didn’t actually want that, but she thought it was God’s will. I was hired partly because she was enthusiastic. We ended up there, but within three months it was obvious that Sharon could not take the climate or culture in Portland. At that time, I told the academic dean that we’d be leaving after my annual contract was up. Sharon hung in there for another nine months.  

I liked teaching. But Sharon was more important. I could do something else. In fact, I had started GES a few months before I began teaching at Multnomah. While there was no money coming in, GES was an option. Leaving Multnomah seemed hard. But it was the best decision we ever made. GES was the result.  

Was what I did submitting to my wife? I think not. It was understanding her. It was loving her. It was making decisions that made sense.   

Ephesians 5:21 does not contradict Eph 5:22. Wives are to submit to their own husbands, just as children are to submit to their parents, and slaves are to submit to their masters. But the Christian husbands, parents, and masters should all be spiritually minded. They should all love those under their authority.  

Keep grace in focus and the Spirit will open the Scriptures to you.