Are you a good listener?
Are you a loving listener or a selfish one?
When you’re having a conversation, does your flesh show through?
I was convicted by this passage from Paul Zahl:
A prime example of original sin is the way people listen, or rather do not listen, to each other. When you are on an airplane, a train, or a bus, don’t you overhear conversations between two people, sometimes two friends even, when everything that is stated by the first person becomes the opportunity for the other to bring the conversation back to himself or herself? One person says, “I was sick last week,” and the other replies, “You know, I was, too,” or, “I’ve been pretty healthy this summer.” “I had a summer cold. I couldn’t believe how nasty it was.” “I don’t get summer colds,” the other answers; “anyhow, colds don’t bother me.” “Well, at least I didn’t have to lose any days at work,” the first person says. The second counters, “I haven’t lost any days at work this summer, either.” What is happening in this conversation? The two people are taking turns talking. That’s all there is to it. They are taking turns talking about themselves. This is routine in almost all human interchanges (Grace in Practice, p. 98).
Gulp.
I’ve been that person.
Actually, up until this very second I thought I was being a good conversationalist when I did that.
You see, I find it hard to talk to most people. I usually have to think about it. When I first met Abby, one of the signs whereby I knew she was the girl for me was that we talked easily and freely. No effort needed. It was perfectly and utterly natural. Normally, for me, it takes effort to talk to people. Even family. But I’ve tried to improve my conversational skills. If someone tells me a story, I thought that telling them about a similar experience I had was the right thing to do. I thought I was showing we have something in common, so the conversation could continue. But, according to Zahl, that was my sinful egocentricity coming through. Instead of just listening, I had to make every point in the conversation about me.
So what does gracious listening look like?
Grace is listening to another person without bringing the conversation back to you (Grace in Practice, p. 98).
So, simply listen. Focus on the person. That helps that person know that you love him or her. I can do that! It’s easier than talking! (At least, for me.)
And what kind of effect might that have?
Wonderfully, if someone ever does really listen to you, if they really do evince interest in what you are saying that is more than just how it applies to them, it can be very powerful. You may end up telling them everything! You may end up loving them forever and thanking them forever (Grace in Practice, p. 98).
That’s what happened to Abby and me!
Alvin
Grace In Practice by Paul Zahl, who has rejected Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.
His churches belief: We believe that Jesus, by His crucifixion, resurrection, and grace, has freely given forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life to all those who come to Him in repentance, put their faith in Him, and call upon His Name.
3 conditions: repentance-faith-call upon His name
But, according to Zahl, that was my sinful egocentricity coming through.
That is the only source an unbeliever has is their sinful egocentricity, and their bootstraps.
When a believer gets it right God gets all the praise for apart from Him we can do NOTHING~! (John 15:5)
Proverbs 17:28.
Even a fool is counted wise
when he holds his peace;
When he shuts his lips, he is
considered perceptive.
Leo Z
Pastor Shawn,
For Zahl to formulate a blanket statement of assumption that anyone who does not simply listen in a conversation and responds back to their own experiences is displaying egocentric sinfulness is presumptuous humility. To say that Zahl’s “conversation” example is indicative of the nature of all conversations is also incorrect.
I strongly agree that listening graciously is an important aspect of communication. There are simply those who don’t know how to. However, there is a time to listen and a time to speak. There is a time to just listen and a time that you must speak. Knowing when is the issue. Sometimes a hug speaks volumes! Sometimes spoken words are needed.
But when speaking, words must be carefully chosen and responses wisely and thoughtfully crafted.
Responses turning back to oneself and one’s experiences is not inherently wrong and a sign of egocentricity. Those instances have to be assessed on a case by case basis. For example, my wife is currently undergoing a serious bout with cancer. Some women who she had shared her situation with had the same cancer experiences. Some conversations turned back to themselves on how they dealt with their circumstance and how God carried them through it. They did so as a way to minister to my wife and did so with grace and loving care. They were living out 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, and my wife was greatly blessed.
Earnestly praying for you and GES!
Alvin
Will be praying for your wife Leo.
Leo Z
Thank you brother Alvin.